You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
