Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
