Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
