Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
