These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is it penis luge time yet?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
