People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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