Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
