to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She bit a glass in half.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my liver is dry heaving
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
jump out the window naked night went bad
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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