i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
