No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
