So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
