I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fill condoms, not promises.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
