I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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