just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
