is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
