I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
