Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
