it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
