I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
