i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
