So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
