Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
