All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's like iHOP with fire
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
