I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
