My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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