We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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