I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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