if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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