New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
