he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
