Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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