New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
