her vagine was all disorganized.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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