I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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