my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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