Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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