i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
