He kissed a someone with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
