Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
