hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
