I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
