We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
