dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
