Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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