quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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