Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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