My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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