that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
