And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
