just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
