Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
