I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
