HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
