even my farts smell like vagina
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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